I realise this is an oddly specific thing to have developed an opinion about, but after watching hundreds of weddings unfold I've come to regard LED foam wands with a certain amount of suspicion. You know the things. White foam tubes containing flashing LEDs which suddenly appear on the dancefloor at about 10pm, whereupon otherwise perfectly sensible adults begin waving them above their heads as though they're guiding aircraft towards a runway. They are extremely popular. I have never entirely understood why.
Part of my confusion is aesthetic. Couples can spend months getting the details of a wedding exactly right: beautiful flowers, great lighting, an incredible venue, clothes they've spent a small fortune on and a photographer whose work they absolutely love. Then, at precisely the point in the evening when some of the best photographs are being taken, somebody distributes fifty flashing foam tubes and every picture suddenly looks like the closing ceremony of a regional leisure centre. Obviously taste is subjective, and if you've always dreamt of being photographed beneath a canopy of luminous foam then I am unlikely to talk you out of it. I would merely suggest looking at some actual wedding photographs containing them before ordering 100.
Then there's what happens afterwards. By the end of the night they're everywhere. On tables, underneath chairs, behind speakers, abandoned outside, occasionally still flashing forlornly at nobody in particular. A hundred little combinations of foam, plastic, LEDs, wiring and batteries have been manufactured, packaged, transported from the other side of the world and bought for an appearance lasting perhaps an hour. Then the wedding finishes and somebody has to decide what on earth to do with them. I have never, in all my years doing this, seen a guest carefully place their LED foam wand into their handbag and say, "Brilliant, I'll get loads of use out of this at home."
Weddings inevitably create waste, of course, and I'm not suggesting everyone should arrive by bicycle carrying their own reusable napkin. But foam wands strike me as particularly unnecessary because I can't see what problem they're solving. If the dancefloor is already going brilliantly, it doesn't require fifty flashing sticks to confirm the fact. If the dancefloor isn't going brilliantly, handing everyone one isn't going to rescue it. They're part of a slightly strange tendency with weddings to assume that a good party needs more stuff: more props, more things to hand out, more things that flash, more things that can be bought in packs of 100 from the internet. Sometimes the best thing you can add to a party is nothing at all.
So this is merely a small favour from somebody who spends an unusual amount of his life standing around at the end of weddings while venues are being cleared: before clicking BUY 100 LED FOAM WANDS – PARTY PACK, just think about it. Think about the photographs. Think about the plastic, batteries and electronics. Think about where they'll all be at midnight. And then perhaps spend the money on another round at the bar instead. Nobody has ever walked out of a genuinely brilliant wedding saying, "Amazing night. Shame there weren't any illuminated foam tubes."
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