Should You Ask Wedding Guests To Request Songs Before The Big Day?

Every now and then, a couple will ask me:

"We're thinking of asking our guests to suggest a couple of songs on the RSVP. Is that helpful?"

It's a great question.

And on the face of it, it sounds like a brilliant idea.

Everyone gets to hear something they like.

Nobody feels left out.

Job done.

Except... in reality, it doesn't always work like that.

It Creates Expectations

When someone writes a song on an RSVP six months before your wedding, there's a good chance they'll expect to hear it on the night.

That's completely understandable.

The trouble is, a wedding isn't a playlist I'm simply working my way through.

It's constantly changing.

Every song depends on what's happening in the room at that exact moment.

The Requests Can Be... Unexpected

One of the funny things about RSVP song requests is how quickly they can contradict the plans you've already made.

It's not unusual for couples to tell me:

"No cheesy music, please."

...while the guest requests include:

• YMCA

• The Macarena

• Come On Eileen

And suddenly I'm in an awkward position.

I've already promised the couple I won't play those songs, but one of their guests is expecting to hear them.

Nobody's done anything wrong.

It's just that everyone's working from a slightly different idea of what the evening should sound like.

I Don't Know Who Asked For What

This is something people don't often think about.

If I receive a spreadsheet full of requests before the wedding, I have no idea who requested each song once the evening starts.

More importantly...

I don't know whether they're even in the room when I play it.

Maybe they're outside chatting.

Maybe they're at the bar.

Maybe they've already gone home.

Which means I could play their song... and they never even hear it.

Timing Is Everything

Here's a situation I've seen more than once.

It's around 10:15pm.

The dancefloor is absolutely flying.

Everyone's singing, dancing and having the time of their lives.

Then someone quietly appears beside the DJ booth.

"Excuse me... are you going to play Uptown Girl soon? Our taxi's arriving in ten minutes."

It's a horrible position to be in.

Because at that moment, the dancefloor might be bouncing to house music, indie anthems or Rage Against The Machine.

Stopping all that to squeeze in Uptown Girl isn't going to help the party.

But saying no means disappointing someone who's been expecting to hear their song all evening.

Requests On The Night Work Brilliantly

Don't get me wrong...

I'm all for guest requests.

In fact, some of my favourite moments have come from songs I wasn't planning to play.

The difference is that requests made on the night happen in context.

I know who's asking.

I know whether they're about to leave.

I know what the dancefloor is doing.

I can tell them if it'll work now, suggest a better moment later, or explain why it might not fit the atmosphere.

It's a conversation, rather than a promise made months in advance.

My Advice?

If you like the idea of involving your guests, go for it.

Just don't feel like you have to collect everyone's requests before the wedding.

A handful of songs from the two of you? Brilliant.

Requests during the evening? Absolutely.

A spreadsheet of a hundred songs gathered six months earlier?

In my experience, it usually creates more problems than it solves.

The best wedding parties aren't built by ticking songs off a list.

They're built by playing the right song at the right moment.

And that's something no spreadsheet can predict.